she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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