WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
