I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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