First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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