She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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