Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
