i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone signed my nipple.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize