After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
