Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
