True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
