someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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