If that was your dad, he is hot
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
