Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
