That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
