my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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