Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
