In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
