T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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