you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Text me some of your sweat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
