I just pynch a tree in the face
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
