How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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