just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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