This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
