I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
