you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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