I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
