ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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