I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
no, he came in my armpit
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
