I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
