If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
