i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
