Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
