We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
