The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
