i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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