You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We just shotgunned beers for America
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
