Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
