i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
