Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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