I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
