I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
