Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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