Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize