I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
