I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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