We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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