She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
