at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
