Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
did you just send me my own nude
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
