Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
