apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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