so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
