All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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