well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
