Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
