at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
