Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
