last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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