She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
